Being a father is a wild ride. My name is Christopher & these are my observations, theories & comments on life as the dad of my two boys Ripley & Jayden. I write this to air my thoughts & update my friends & family with photos, videos and such like. For everyone else I offer hints and tips on parenting as I learn them. For legal reasons I make no direct reference to my employer or any of my colleagues.
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Friday, October 29, 2004
God I am miserable. Sat in a cold & noisy server room in the middle of London. My head aches, my eyes are dry, my stomach feels like I have drunk drain cleaner and worst of all I am getting a rising feeling anxiety brought on by fatigue. I haven't stopped all day & now I work all night. I know this is affecting my health both mental and physical. I swear this is the last time I am doing this - really. The problem with me is that I am too keen, I am always the first to raise a helping hand, I wouldn't mind but I don't get overtime for all this personal punishment. Usually I can work 24 hours straight and feel OK - but when technical blips start happening that threaten an entire Metropolitan Area Network and the wolves are waiting to bite your ass if you mess up, working alone, tired, feeling like shit, it is then that the familiar leaping heart and sinking stomach indicate that anxiety is setting in. I am trying to stablise my life and get a few credits in the sleep bank so I am fully prepared to enjoy the arrival of my son. Now I feel resentment for being here when I would rather be in bed with my Wife who can't sleep when I am not there... Watching data stream between devices, 34Gb, 35Gb, 36Gb, tick, tock, life wasting away - God I am so miserable.